STRONGER TOGETHER: Reflections and Realities—Breaking Free from the House of Mirrors

"STRONGER TOGETHER" is a weekly column where Tanya explores key issues. This week Tanya discusses how our minds often distort reality based on past experiences and unconscious beliefs, and she encourages us to question and rewrite these narratives to live more authentically and compassionately.

By IMPACT Community Services Managing Director Tanya O'Shea

“We live in a house of mirrors and think we are looking out the window.”

This quote by German psychiatrist Fritz Perls is a gentle reminder that our minds can distort our perception of reality. We often believe we are seeing the world as it is, when in truth, we are seeing reflections of ourselves—our past experiences, beliefs, and unconscious biases.

I can sense a deep pause, so it might be good to provide a bit more context.

Think back to when you were five years old. Imagine you were dressing yourself for a family outing and proudly chose your favourite outfit. But when your mother glanced at you while on the phone, her face appeared stern. You interpreted her expression as disappointment or disapproval. Deflated, you changed clothes, assuming she disliked your choice. Later, when she found you undressed, her frustration escalated, and she snapped, telling you to stop being silly. From that moment, a belief took root: I make bad choices. I am stupid.

But what if the truth had nothing to do with you? What if your mother’s expression reflected her stress about the phone call, not your outfit? This is how introjects—beliefs we inherit from others without question—form. As children, we absorb messages from parents, teachers, and society, internalising them as absolute truths. Over time, these messages shape our self-perception and behaviour, often without us realising it.

Introjects can be helpful, like learning kindness or perseverance, but they can also be limiting. A childhood comment about being “too sensitive” might lead you to suppress emotions. A teacher’s offhand remark about your abilities might convince you that you’re not smart enough. These beliefs become part of an unconscious rulebook that dictates how we respond to challenges, relationships, and self-worth.

To break free, start questioning your inner rulebook. When you feel stuck, ask yourself: What belief is at play here? Where did it come from? Does it still serve me? Examining and rewriting these inherited narratives allows you to step beyond the mirror and truly see through the window—to experience life with clarity, authenticity, and self-compassion.