STRONGER TOGETHER: Navigating the Mixed Emotions of the Festive Season

"STRONGER TOGETHER" is a weekly column where Tanya explores key issues. This week Tanya discusses how the Christmas season can evoke both joy and complex emotions, urging us to find balance and meaning amidst the disparities and challenges it brings.

By IMPACT Community Services Managing Director Tanya O'Shea

Tanya OShea IMPACT Community Services Managing Director

The Christmas season often carries the promise of cheer and togetherness: twinkling lights, festive carols, and cherished traditions. For many, it’s a time filled with warmth, nostalgia, and connection. However, the same elements that bring joy can also stir up complex emotions, especially when family dynamics or personal losses come into play.

Christmas has a way of reaching into the corners of our memories, bringing both laughter and tears to the surface. Before working in a community service organisation, I had heard, yet never really paid close attention, to people speaking about Christmas as a negative time of year. Doesn’t everyone celebrate Christmas by relishing in the happy smiling faces of children and families as they welcome gifts and share a feast around a table filled with family and friends?

The reality is that many people in the world, and in fact in this community, are spending Christmas alone because they don’t have any family or friends around. And some won’t be celebrating with a fancy lunch because they are struggling to pay for basic food, rent and electricity.

It is a jarring realisation, that has led to me shifting my priorities at this time of year. The material significance has waned and been replaced by finding ways to spend time with people I love – recognising how blessed my life has been to have had people who have shaped my growth and learning, and with whom I could share my thoughts and experiences.

And while the smell of a roasted ham and the sight of Christmas lights transports me back to a simpler time, I now see the huge disparities that exist within people and families, particularly around this time of year.

Many are dealing with a disparity between their own hopes and expectations and the reality of what is. This uncomfortable truth leaves me conflicted, navigating the mixed feelings of joy and hope with compassion, seeing the pain being experienced by others because of loss of friends and family members due to death, divorce, violence, deployment, incarceration, poor health, estrangement and poor choices.

At no other time of year is there such a concentrated comparison that serves to stir up feelings associated with pain and regret. 

Finding Peace in the Season

Acknowledging these mixed emotions is the first step toward navigating the complexities of the holiday season. Here are some suggestions for finding balance and meaning during this time:

  1. Honour Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel a mix of happiness and sadness. Give yourself permission to grieve, laugh, or even take a step back from traditions that feel too painful this year.
  2. Create New Traditions: If old traditions just bring heartache, consider creating new ones. Host a “Friendsmas,” volunteer at a local shelter, or start a new holiday ritual that brings positivity into your life.
  3. Set Boundaries: Family gatherings can be joyful but also challenging or a source of stress, especially with unresolved conflicts. Politely but firmly set boundaries to protect your emotional wellbeing.
  4. Remember Loved Ones: Incorporate small gestures to honour those you’ve lost. Light a candle, hang an ornament in their memory, or share a favourite story about them during the holiday meal.
  5. Focus on Gratitude: Even amidst sadness, reflecting on the positives in your life—your health, friendships, or small joys—can help shift your perspective.

Reframing the Holidays

Christmas is not a one-size-fits-all experience. For some, it’s a boisterous celebration, while for others, it’s a quiet moment of reflection. Whatever your circumstances, remember that it’s okay to redefine what the season means to you.

Above all, be kind to yourself. The holidays are as much about finding peace within as they are about spreading joy outward. Whether you’re revelling in the memories of family get togethers or navigating the emptiness of loss, know that your feelings are valid, and you’re not alone.

Please note: This website may contain references to, or feature images, videos, and voices of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples who have passed away.

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