STRONGER TOGETHER: The Quiet Wounds That Matter

"STRONGER TOGETHER" is a weekly column where Tanya explores key issues. This week Tanya discusses the often-overlooked impact of "small t" trauma - those quiet, cumulative emotional wounds that can build up over time - and the importance of recognising and healing them with compassion and support.

By IMPACT Community Services Managing Director Tanya O'Shea

Not long ago, a friend shared how she unexpectedly broke down in tears during a one-on-one with her manager. She’d made a small mistake in a report – nothing major, easily fixed – but when it was brought up, she felt overwhelmed. “I don’t know why I cried,” she said.

But that moment wasn’t just about the report or meeting – it was the final drop in a bucket that had been quietly filling for months. An accumulation of feeling constantly on edge, trying to meet expectations, and never quite feeling good enough.

When we think of trauma, we often picture dramatic events - natural disasters, violence, or major accidents. These are known as “Big T” traumas. But there’s another kind, "small t" traumas, just as real, though often invisible, that can sneak up on you when you least expect it.

Small t trauma comes from experiences that don’t seem “serious" or "traumatic" enough to warrant attention or cause lasting harm – being repeatedly overlooked, feeling dismissed, or living under constant low-level stress.

These moments don’t make headlines, but they quietly lodge themselves in our nervous system. Over time, they build up beneath the surface, eroding our confidence and triggering anxiety. Then one day, we snap at a loved one or shut down in a meeting, a response disproportionate to the event, and we wonder why.

Repeated experiences like this chip away at our sense of safety, self-worth, or control. And because they don’t fit the traditional definition of trauma, they’re easy to dismiss. We tell ourselves that ‘we are just having a bad day’ or that ‘others have it worse.’ But trauma is not a competition.

Our nervous system doesn’t distinguish between a car crash or emotional neglect, it simply responds to what feels overwhelming or unsafe. And when we dismiss our own pain, telling ourselves to toughen up, we deny ourselves the chance to heal.

Recognising small t trauma is powerful. It allows us to validate our experiences, seek support, and build resilience. Whether through therapy, meaningful conversations, or simple self-care, tending to these quiet wounds can lead to deep personal growth.

In our workplaces and communities, acknowledging these experiences fosters empathy and psychological safety. It reminds us that everyone carries invisible burdens, and that healing begins not with comparison, but with compassion.