STRONGER TOGETHER: When “just say no” isn’t enough

"STRONGER TOGETHER" is a weekly column where Tanya explores key issues. This week, Tanya discusses how overwhelm often strikes before we have the capacity to “set boundaries” or “say no,” and why simple, in‑the‑moment tools like the STOP strategy can help interrupt the spiral and restore a sense of control.

By IMPACT Community Services Managing Director Tanya O'Shea

We’ve all heard the advice. Set boundaries. Say no. Prioritise better.

And to be clear, those are good strategies. Important ones, even. But they often require space, clarity and energy… three things that are usually in short supply when you’re already in the spiral of overwhelm.

Because overwhelm doesn’t politely tap you on the shoulder and give you time to redesign your life. It lands all at once: emails piling up, decisions that need to be made, people demanding you prioritise their needs, thoughts racing. And in that moment, being told to “just say no” can feel about as helpful as being told to relax in the middle of a storm.

So, what can you do right now?

This is where I come back to something simple, practical and surprisingly powerful: the STOP strategy.

Not a long-term fix. Not a new system to learn. Just a circuit-breaker for the moment you feel everything closing in.

S – Stop.

Pause. Literally stop what you’re doing. Don’t push through. Don’t open another tab. Don’t respond to one more message. Overwhelm thrives on momentum; the faster you go, the less clearly you think.

T – Take a breath.

A slow, deliberate breath in… and out. Then again. This isn’t fluffy. It’s physiological. Your nervous system is in overdrive, and slowing your breath is one of the fastest ways to bring it back down.

O – Observe.

What’s actually happening for you right now?

What are you thinking? (“I’ll never get this done.”)

What are you feeling (pressure, frustration, heart racing, maybe even a bit of panic)?

No judgment. Just noticing. Because when everything feels tangled, awareness is the first step to creating space.

P – Proceed.

And here’s the key. Proceed calmly, not perfectly.

What is the next small, manageable step? Not the whole solution. Just the next right thing.

Send one email. Make one call. Write the first sentence.

Overwhelm shrinks when action becomes specific and doable.

The truth is, we can’t always prevent overwhelm. Life is full, complex and demanding, especially for those carrying responsibility at work, at home, and in our communities.

But we can interrupt it.

So yes, learn to say no. Protect your time. Build better systems.

But in the moment when it all feels like too much, don’t start with a grand plan.

Be kind to yourself and start with STOP.