STRONGER TOGETHER: Looking Deeper—Uncovering the True Value of People

"STRONGER TOGETHER" is a weekly column where Tanya explores key issues. This week Tanya discusses how understanding evolutionary psychology can help us look beyond first impressions, enabling us to form deeper, more meaningful connections by appreciating the true value of others.

By IMPACT Community Services Managing Director Tanya O'Shea

We’ve all heard the saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” yet many of us still do—picking up a book, drawn in by an intriguing cover, only to be let down by the content, or overlooking a captivating story simply because the cover didn’t catch our eye. It’s the same with people. We often make snap judgments based on surface-level impressions, missing the opportunity to truly understand and appreciate the richness of others.

Evolutionary psychology offers a fascinating perspective on why we make these quick assessments. By considering the principles of evolution, we gain insights into the underlying mechanisms that shape our thoughts, behaviours, and reactions, including these instinctive evaluations.

At the core of these responses is the brain stem, often referred to as reptilian brain. This ancient part of our brain governs automatic, self-preserving behaviours. It plays a crucial role in determining whether someone we encounter is beneficial or potentially harmful to us.

Mark Bowden, an expert in human behaviour and body language, explains that our brain collects data on individuals based on evolutionary criteria that have been refined over millions of years. This data collection triggers gut reactions that help us categorise people into one of four groups.

Friend

When we first meet someone, our brain searches for cues that align with our concept of a friend. These cues might include a warm smile, open body language, or physical appearance and attire that resemble those of people in our social group. Sometimes, we might even see a reflection of ourselves in the other person, which further reinforces the friend category.

Enemy/Predator

Conversely, if our brain detects signals that fit the enemy or predator category, we become cautious. Lack of eye contact, minimal verbal communication, or other behaviours that trigger suspicion can lead us to view someone as a potential threat. This response is rooted in our survival instincts, which prioritise safety and caution.

Potential Sexual Partner

The third category involves recognising potential sexual partners. While personal preferences and values play a significant role in our choices, initial attraction often hinges on basic physical characteristics. Traits such as height, athletic build, facial symmetry, and other markers of genetic fitness can spark an unconscious attraction, driven by the evolutionary goal of producing healthy offspring.

Indifference

Interestingly, the default category for most of the 8.2 billion people on Earth is indifference. Evolutionary and behavioural psychology suggest that we are predisposed to be indifferent to most people we encounter. Unless someone exhibits specific signals that trigger a friend, enemy, or potential sexual partner response, they remain in the indifference category.

Building Relationships

Forming meaningful relationships requires effort and insight. We can’t always explain why certain relationships work and others don’t, or why we walk straight past someone without a sideways glance, yet another captures your attention immediately.

However, our instincts often respond to subtle cues; for instance, negative body language—such as eye rolls, crossed arms, or pursed lips—can signal hostility, while a genuine smile and eye contact convey warmth and friendliness. These signals play a significant role in shaping our perceptions and interactions with others.

By leveraging our knowledge of evolutionary psychology, we can make more informed decisions about how we present ourselves and interpret others, ultimately fostering more positive and productive relationships.

So, while our evolutionary instincts prompt us to make quick judgments about others, it’s essential to remember that these initial impressions are just the beginning. Just like choosing a book, it’s only after we delve deeper that we truly understand the value of the people we meet.