STRONGER TOGETHER: The Art of Conversation—Hearing and Being Heard

"STRONGER TOGETHER" is a weekly column where Tanya explores key issues. This week Tanya discusses the importance of balancing listening and speaking in conversations, especially when dealing with habitual interrupters, and offers strategies for responding gracefully to ensure everyone feels valued and understood.

By IMPACT Community Services Managing Director Tanya O'Shea

William Hazlitt once said, “The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as being heard.” This wisdom rings true, especially when we encounter habitual interrupters in our daily interactions.

Being interrupted mid-way through a sentence can be frustrating. A former work colleague used to do it continually, mainly because we never gave him a reason not to. We got used to him doing it and allowed it to happen repeatedly. One day it wore thin, and eventually someone unleashed in a moment of frustration retorting, "please just let me finish what I was saying!"

In hindsight, it was probably a conversation that we should have had with him sooner. It could have also been handled differently and instead of biting our tongues and nodding intently to his contribution, we could have brought this to his attention in a different way.

Before we get into that though, why is it that some people tend to be habitual interrupters?

For some, it may be linked to culture, where misunderstandings can result due to there being no universal acceptable standard of the average length of a pause in a conversation. Some cultures will have different etiquettes when it comes to conversations and may see an opportunity to jump in and take over when the other person takes a moment to pause.

Perhaps it is a result of a big and busy family, especially if you are the youngest in the family and talking over the top of others is the only way that you are able to be heard. This behaviour and way of conversing therefore becomes the norm, and transitions with the person through to adulthood.

It could also be due to neurodiversity, where a person does not mean to interrupt but rather their urge to speak or share their thoughts cannot be contained within them. 

The reality is that irrespective of the reason for why people interrupt, we will all experience an interrupter at some stage of our lives, and the best skill that we can bring to the table is to respond with good grace and leave the other person able to preserve their dignity.

The passive-aggressive approach that I referred to earlier is probably not the best way to preserve or enhance a relationship. Instead, you could find ways to acknowledge their excitement or interest, while also ensuring that your voice is heard. Encouraging their input after you have finished talking or addressing the matter one on one with them to share how it makes you feel when they interrupt or talk over the top of you, may be another way to create a shift in the behaviour.  

Having a real-life conversation is rarely scripted, well thought through or delivered in a way that hits the mark every time. Conversations can be messy, awkward, and filled with faux pas that can at times leave us walking away and wondering what just happened. The reality is that if we really want to improve the art of conversation, we need to practice listening – using the theory that we have two ears and one mouth for a reason – and not just focus on the words that we use.

And when the time is right to reclaim our voice, we have a strategy to respond to an interrupter with grace and in a way that leaves the other person feeling like they want to connect with us again in future.

Ultimately, mastering the art of conversation means balancing the act of hearing and being heard, creating a space where everyone feels valued and understood.